by SIFTER » Sun Dec 11, 2016 12:47 pm
To put it simply, it's a general lack of fundamental foundations. You have all of those fancy movements going on, but the lack of fundamentals ruined it. There are issues with flowing your motion together, and sometimes the timing of the offensive character is off. Not to mention the lack of proper physics for the defensive characters and their reactions; sometimes they land too softly, and some other times they land too roughly on the ground.
For the defensive sticks anyway, consider the fact that a hit sends a defensive stick at the same speed it lands on it—same spacing—and it will keep going that way until the defensive stick recovers its balance, in which case, there will be overlapping motion. If the the defensive stick doesn't manage to recover its balance, or it passes out, it will have no other choice but to give itself to laws of physics. Then, you may think of it like a ball's freefall, or a cube's free fall. Depending on weight there is a certain amout of easing given to the falling character to depict its weight, and as a general guideline, see where the character was hit, and give that segment of the body the biggest amount of spacing. After that, the segments that hit the ground last will bounce for longer, because they're the lightest in weight; your sticks were too stiff when they landed. The thing to keep in mind here is to keep everything consistent to a certain extent. When it comes to spacing, keep in mind that, subtle or unsubtle, there will always be a certain transition that connects one movement with the other. The movements generally stop and go too suddenly.
If anything, the chorteography seems interesting enough, and it's good that you've made the effort to add multiple characters at once, eventhough it made it slightly chaotic to add more than 2 at the same time with no composition. The important thing is that you work on your basics. Hope it helps, and good job.