Fighting with your parents is not a good way to earn respect. If anything, they respect you a lot less. They don't fight with you because they're sick of feeling insulted and threatened. They just become fearful, submissive and uncaring of how you turn out in life. Why I know this? My sister has been extremely abusive and manipulative to get her own way. Now my Mum just doesn't even try anymore.
Mum
My Mum's a little crazy. She talks to herself (which is totally fine) but does it in front of people (which isn't fine). I'll be sitting at the table and she'll just be getting a coffee or something and talking to herself. I'll wonder to myself if she's talking to me or herself. It's really annoying. When it's talking to me it's not like she has a proper conversation either. She'll just talk at me about things I'm not even interested in and I just nod my head and say yes to everything.
What makes me sad is when she'll listen to the propaganda of Rupert Murdoch's empire like it's from the horse's mouth. She'll constantly turn up the TV and say how important it is to hear about the royal baby, the lost plane, or how bad teenagers are. None of that stuff matters. When anything gay pops up on the TV I cringe, because I just know I'm going to get an ear full from her about how perverted and sick gay people are.
One of the worst things is definitely the religious side. I didn't think much of anything when she decided to start going to church, so when she asked if I wanted to go I said I didn't believe in God. I just nonchalantly said it because I didn't think it was a big deal seeing as she'd never been to church since I was born. Ever since she's been trying to convert me and I don't like it one bit. She'll say things like, "Do you want to come to church with me?" or "Do you want to come along for the food and drinks?" or something along those lines. I told her one day that I thought her religious bookmark had a nice looking pattern. She brings me one the next day even though I didn't ask for one. It's subtle persuasion, but it creeps me out a little all the same. It isn't as bad as it could be mind you, but it's the thought that she's trying to edge me into it that saddens me.
The worst part about it all is that you can't trust her. It sucks hearing from someone that you can tell them anything, just knowing deep down that you actually did tell them your deepest secrets that you'd be disowned. You feel extremely alone and like you can't trust anyone.
Dad
My Dad died when I was 15. I'm finally ready to say this, but he died from a drug over-dose. I found this out myself in an email on my Mum's computer. I just jumped on her computer to go on the internet one day and her emails were open. I looked at the one that said stuff about my Dad in the title, and found out that way. The worst part was that she didn't talk about how he died. I felt like I'd caused it or something.
Anyway, when he was still around he would try to make me act masculine. I'll never forget that I was playing with dolls when I was a little kid (because that's what kids do, boys or girls) and he'd get angry at me. He wanted me to play with cars or do physical sports or whatever. If I did anything the littlest bit feminine he'd insult me. I was never allowed to cry or anything and as a result, I've never been able to develop a healthy emotional state. I feel very robotic at times.
When I told him kids were teasing me, he'd tell me to fight them. I ended up taking his advice in Grade 5 and got expelled at the end of it all. He wanted me to be a tough guy but it just stunted my emotional development. I was scared of him because of how tough he'd try to be, and there was this one time I'll never forget where he chased me through the house and when he caught up to me... He picked me up and slammed me on the ground on my back. I was afraid of him constantly.
Before he died he got tattoos practically all over his body and he listened to ACDC a lot. He bought new cars and he had left my Mum about 4 years ago by this stage. He literally moved into a garage before he died. When I say garage, I mean an actual place in an industrial area where there's about 20 or so garages. People live in those things. Sideshow Bob was living in one in The Simpsons, that's the best example I have. I thought it was crazy, but now it makes complete sense... He had no money because all of it was being spent on drugs.
I wish I'd have had a positive male role model in my life. Someone that told me it was okay to have emotions or that being masculine isn't everything. I learnt these things on my own thanks to the internet and other adult male teachers etc.
So
That's my parents pretty much. It sucks having to keep secrets in fear of being disowned. It also sucks to be afraid of your parents. This is the first time I've been comfortable enough to talk about any of this but whatever.
