Check This Over Please?

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Check This Over Please?

Postby Llama » Sun Dec 14, 2014 12:14 am

I have an essay due in two days, and I want someone to look over the material I have so far. I would ask my teacher, but she's closed the checking department, so I'm wondering if anyone can help in looking this over and giving some truthful critique. The essay is about "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens, and I chose to write about the topic (we had multiple): "Who was the most influential character in Pip's (the main character's) life?". If someone could look over this and give CC, it would be much appreciated.

Actual text begins below:

Great Expectations: The Root of Pip’s Influence

Throughout Charles Dickens’ famously praised and widely lauded work, “Great Expectations”, there have been many characters that played large roles in influencing and manipulating the life of the morally-questionable protagonist, Pip Gargery. From his humble beginnings as an aspiring young boy who wanted a life higher than the one he possessed, to his early adulthood where he overcame trials akin to the tribulations of Job in the Bible, Pip has had many companions and people who would indirectly pull him along the path of life and direct his course through happiness, sorrow, guilt, and loyalty. It could be said that, through obvious reasons, that a benefactor could be Pip’s heaviest influence, such as Magwitch. Or perhaps someone who had their fingers wrung through his life since the beginning, like Joe or Estella. Or perhaps someone a bit more eccentric, someone with a sharp yet abstractly skewed psyche; someone who has had an all-encompassing grip over the events of the story since their very first appearance. A character, so brutally destroyed inside that the aftermath of their inner catastrophe spills out into the influential sphere of everyone they encounter. If the above hints prove unsatisfactory in determining the identity of the referred character, then simply think of the two words “broken heart”. Most likely, Miss Havisham will be the first character to come to mind. And it is true, in the belief of this author, that Miss Havisham is the most influential and commanding character of Pip’s life, not only in terms of how he lived, but his persona and ideals, his morals and his beliefs.

From her first encounter with Pip, Miss Havisham is already stringing him like a puppet. Her manipulative mind games have already set the stage that she plans to set Pip on, driving him through her twisted show connected by the strings of her influence. She introduces him to Estella, and as the two children get acquainted with one another, she begins her manipulation. She badgers Pip about Estella’s beauty, asking what he thinks of her, questioning him whether or not “she is very pretty” (Dickens pg.75). She ignores Pip’s pleas to go home, instead berating him why he would ever want to leave Estella “and never see her again, though she is so pretty?” (Dickens pg.75). This influence lays heavy upon Pip, causing him to see past the abuse that Estella throws at him and instead make him desire her, making this relationship more about the physical beauty rather than the nasty reality. The way Miss Havisham introduces Pip to Estella, clothed in fine wear and adorning trinkets of wealth and elitism, puts Estella at an elevated position in Pip’s self-esteem, making him look down on himself while at the same time driving him to change in order to gain her love. Pip’s second visit to Miss Havisham’s residence is not any better, with Miss Havisham capitalizing upon her first volley of fire when she, in Pip’s words, “directed my attention to Estella’s beauty, and made me notice and made me notice it the more by trying her jewels on Estella’s breast and hair” (Dickens pg.111). Miss Havisham continues this cycle of praising Estella’s stellar beauty, inserting into Pip’s own conscience the knowledge that he is not, nor will he ever soon be, good enough for Estella. This constant subliminal belittling molds Pip’s ideals and views on romantic idealism, something that he will be in perpetual limbo with throughout the book. This also introduces him to his soon-to-be fully realized views on social class and standing, his ideal vision of what he must be in order to receive what he wants.

Miss Havisham’s influence upon Pip’s decisions and morals truly begins to stand out once he reaches of age to be an apprentice to Joe. It is at this stage that he begins to question his social standing and looks back on his past when he was in the presence of Estella, a person to whom he considered himself diminutive, common, and low. Pip likened himself to the marshes that he resided by, describing in his own words here, how “I used to stand about the churchyard on Sunday evenings when night was falling, comparing my own perspective with the windy marsh view, and making out some likeness between them by thinking how flat and low both were, and how on both there came an unknown way and a dark mist and then the sea” (Dickens pg.135). Here, Miss Havisham indirectly pulls the invisible strings of influence connected to him, with Estella acting as the primary medium of connection between both of them. The roots of influence have been planted and the leaflets are now starting to sprout within Pip, and it is simply a matter of watering and nurturing the plant of manipulation to see to the growth of the influential plant. Miss Havisham goes about this symbolic watering by prodding on Pip even in the absence of her primary instrument, Estella. She subtly pokes at his heart, remarking at Estella’s absence and asks, in direction to Pip, “Do you feel that you have lost her?” (Dickens pg. 146). Even in the absence of Estella, Miss Havisham’s influences have already paved the course of Pip’s ideals, which is reflected in the later chapters, particularly in Stage Two. The fruits of Miss Havisham’s manipulation are now reaped in full as soon as Pip comes into acquisition of his anonymous fortune. Desiring to be the gentleman that he had always desired to be for Estella’s sake, he begins spending furiously and in such an unnecessary manner that it begins coming in between the loyalty and dignity between him and his family, as shown in Chapter 27 (Dickens pg. 274-283). This indirect influence on Pip’s rational thinking, planted early on by Miss Havisham, is destructive and harmful to Pip not only as a person, but also as a member of a tightly knit family, which has virtually lost a member in Pip, who has more or less abandoned them for “higher” reasons.
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Re: Check This Over Please?

Postby Lionheart » Sun Dec 14, 2014 12:47 am

115PIVOT wrote:
It could be said that, through obvious reasons, that a benefactor could be Pip’s heaviest influence, such as Magwitch. Or perhaps possibly someone who had their fingers wrung through his life since the beginning, like Joe or Estella. Or perhaps someone a bit more eccentric-- someone with a sharp, yet abstractly skewed psyche; someone who has had an all-encompassing grip over the events of the story since their very first appearance. A character so brutally destroyed inside that the aftermath of their inner catastrophe spills out into the influential sphere of everyone they encounter. If the above hints prove unsatisfactory in determining the identity of the referred character, then simply think of the two words “broken heart”. Most likely, Miss Havisham will be the first character to come to mind. And it is true, in the belief of this author, that Miss Havisham is the most influential and commanding character of Pip’s life, not only in terms of how he lived, but in his persona and & ideals, and his morals and & his beliefs.


That is all I have time for right now. The small red text is what I believe should be omitted, while the blue italic text is what was changed/added.
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Re: Check This Over Please?

Postby Llama » Sun Dec 14, 2014 6:25 pm

Thank you, I just applied the changes.
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Re: Check This Over Please?

Postby Alca » Sun Dec 14, 2014 7:37 pm

Lionheart wrote:
115PIVOT wrote:
It could be said that, through obvious reasons, that a benefactor could be Pip’s heaviest influence, such as Magwitch. Or perhaps possibly someone who had their fingers wrung through his life since the beginning, like Joe or Estella. Or perhaps someone a bit more eccentric-- someone with a sharp, yet abstractly skewed psyche; someone who has had an all-encompassing grip over the events of the story since their very first appearance. A character so brutally destroyed inside that the aftermath of their inner catastrophe spills out into the influential sphere of everyone they encounter. If the above hints prove unsatisfactory in determining the identity of the referred character, then simply think of the two words “broken heart”. Most likely, Miss Havisham will be the first character to come to mind. And it is true, in the belief of this author, that Miss Havisham is the most influential and commanding character of Pip’s life, not only in terms of how he lived, but in his persona and & ideals, and his morals and & his beliefs.


That is all I have time for right now. The small red text is what I believe should be omitted, while the blue italic text is what was changed/added.


Ampersands have no place in formal essay writing. You'll get marked down on it. Instead, word it more like this:

"And it is true, in the belief of this author, that Miss Havisham is the most influential and commanding character of Pip’s life. Not only in terms of how he lived, but in his persona, ideals, morals and beliefs."

Also:

"Making this relationship more about the physical beauty rather than the nasty reality"

You could replace 'nasty' with 'harsh' instead. 'Nasty' sounds childish.

"Or perhaps someone a bit more eccentric-- someone with a sharp, yet abstractly skewed psyche"

You could get rid of 'perhaps' here. It's somewhat redundant. Actually at university level I was taught to completely avoid words like 'possibly,' or 'perhaps.' It just weakens your argument and makes you sound uncertain, but that's just me. I'm sure your work is probably marked differently.

Other than that, there wasn't a great deal of things to pick out. It's not that bad.
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