TheDarkDemon

ayy

Well, here's the intro to a paper I'm working on. Need this to go well and I know a few of you write, so any input/criticism would be lovely. Too wordy, lacks description, etc. I appreciate anyone who takes the time. Danke.

"All monumental strides taken in the history of humanity have begun with the infamous feline killer: relentless curiosity. This inquisitive wonder we all share has been the foundation for a plethora of prominent and awe-inspiring discoveries over the centuries. Many of these once buried enigmas have been wrenched out of the sediment through experimentation. More specifically in this instance, the scrutiny of the psychological and neurological complex of the human individual. The relatively sophisticated anthropoids that we are have utilized the tools at our disposal to extract perplexing anomalies from the core of intertwined nerves referred to as the brain. From the notorious “Little Albert” experiment that brought an understanding of classical conditioning to a brighter light, to the innocent Asch Conformity studies that expanded our knowledge of deviancy, or lack thereof. However, research efforts of this degree are now unfortunately being contested of their ethical standards. Some of these restrictions on experimentation only hinder vital progress that could be made otherwise."

Is this meant to be literature or scientific?

Jon wrote:Is this meant to be literature or scientific?

The remainder of the paper is mostly sciency. But, idk, thought the intro should be grabbing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Daniël wrote:Your intro is very informative and scientifically well written, but I wouldn't describe it as grabby.
If you want to grab the attention of the reader you might want to try starting out with a cool anecdote that has relevance to your subject. Your sentences are too long and boring to really make me want to dig into this article, but I'm also very much not the focus-group.

Yeah, I definitely see what you mean. I'll probably need to do some rearranging. Thanks.

If it's of a scientific nature, you don't need an anecdote at all. Scientific pieces are meant to be pumped full of information, they aren't meant to be entertaining at all. It's fine how it is, you don't need to captivate a reader for this sort of stuff.