The feelings of the cute.

Imaginative / creative writing goes here.

The feelings of the cute.

Postby cute baby girl with purdy lips » Sat Jun 13, 2015 6:20 pm

Alca stared at the screen in front of him his curly fingers bent slowly as they hammered away on the keyboard in a slow but determined fashion.
“Call this poetry will you?” he breathed out to himself with his raspy voice echoing out of his throat.
“If you think that you can get away with defiling Yui-chans literature section then you’re dead wrong!”

His crusty lips formed a slight smile as he slowly licked his lips while thinking back to his days in university and poetry studies. Where he had learned everything about poetry from Fyodor Dostoyevsky to Maya Angelou.

“This will teach those no good trolls not to bring their FILTH into MY and YUI-CHANS litterature section!” he announced to himself in glee while he repeatedly hit the f5 button to refresh the page in anticipation of the fools reply.

end of chapter one.

I tried to write better this time! (smile (smile please dont lock it this time! (thumbsup

Chapter two will come soon! (cheesygrin
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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby James » Sat Jun 13, 2015 6:22 pm

hate only begets more hate. i have disappointment. this is however written better good (thumbsup your improving
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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby lordkazari » Sat Jun 13, 2015 6:23 pm

interesting characterization in this

well done friend
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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby Sir Elton Papa John » Sat Jun 13, 2015 6:24 pm

This seems awfully passive aggressive, and I'll be honest with you. The papa doesn't approve. All jokes aside, this isn't even a good story. The ingredients are terrible, and I should know. You need to work on it. Maybe chapter 2 will be better.
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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby Alca » Sat Jun 13, 2015 6:27 pm

I'm rather honored that you took the time to write a story about me. I would suggest that you spend your time more wisely; but I'll admit this was somewhat amusing.
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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby Tom » Sat Jun 13, 2015 6:31 pm

I hope there's a Chester Bennington account soon.
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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby Grams » Sat Jun 13, 2015 7:16 pm

im dying
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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby Llama » Sat Jun 13, 2015 9:21 pm

kill me ive seen all i wish to see
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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby Gary » Sun Jun 14, 2015 2:55 pm

someone sounds butthurt
"You may think I am joking, but I will fuck you." -Mat

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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby Daniël » Mon Jun 15, 2015 7:36 am

(thumbsup Write more, please.
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Re: The feelings of the cute.

Postby Alca » Mon Jun 15, 2015 10:22 am

A bit of feedback, if I may.

Punctuation could be better in the beginning. You forgot a comma. It should be along the lines of "Alca stared at the screen in front of him, his curly fingers bent slowly as they hammered away on the keyboard in a slow but determined fashion."

"“Call this poetry will you?” he breathed out to himself with his raspy voice echoing out of his throat."

You can't really breathe out words. That doesn't quite make sense. I'd suggest whispered, or grunted perhaps.

"His crusty lips formed a slight smile as he slowly licked his lips while thinking back to his days in university and poetry studies. "

The repetition of 'lips' is redundant. You only need to mention them once. E.g. "His crusty lips formed a slight smile as he slowly licked them while thinking back to his days in university and poetry studies. "

"... He announced to himself in glee while he repeatedly hit the f5 button to refresh the page in anticipation of the fools reply."

Fool's should have an apostrophe, e.g. "... He announced to himself in glee while he repeatedly hit the f5 button to refresh the page in anticipation of the fool's reply."

Not bad though. You're improving.
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