Pride

Imaginative / creative writing goes here.

Pride

Postby Alca » Fri Jun 06, 2014 1:16 pm

In the middle of the desert, there stood a large country. Its walls measured fifty feet, and were made of a strange metal; protruding from each of these walls were different types of cannons. It looked unscalable, and contained only one entrance - a thick, steel gate guarded by a dozen men.

Along the desert, there walked a man. His face contained a fearless expression, and around his belt he carried a revolver which hung loosely. He looked at the country in awe for a moment, before approaching the front gate. He was immediately stopped by a tall, heavily built guard.

"What is your business here?! Who are you? You're not from there, are you?"

"There?"

The guard eyed the traveler suspiciously.

"Are you from around here?"

"No. My name is Rauher, I'm a traveler. I don't know what's going on, but I don't mean you any harm."

"I see... Sorry about that. It's just that we like to keep things safe around here. You can never be too careful. Why don't you follow me? I'll have you sign some documents before you enter."

Rauher followed the guard into a small office on the other side of the wall. The guard rummaged through his desk, before producing several papers. They contained standard questions, such as name, age, height and weight. After he finished, the guard led him through to the main portion of the country.

"If you don't mind," said Rauher, "would you mind telling me why you were so cautious before?"

"It's not really a matter of being cautious, after all, you've seen our country, haven't you? A hundred armies couldn't knock down that wall. There's a country to the east you see, slightly smaller than our own. We've been at war with them for almost fifty years."

"Fifty years?" said Rauher, astonished.

"Yes. You might be wondering why it's so peaceful around here. I guess you could say we're both at a stalemate. Each and every time they've tried to invade our country, they've failed. However, in order to keep this place secure, we need as many men as possible. We don't have enough troops to destroy that country without leaving ourselves open."

"I see, thank you for the information. Also, if you wouldn't mind, could you point me to somewhere I can get some food?"

The guard laughed, then pointed to a restaurant a couple of streets down.

"Can't blame you, if I were a traveler, that's probably the first thing I'd ask too."

Rauher smiled, and followed the guard's directions down the street. He soon arrived at an small restaurant. The atmosphere inside was warm and pleasant. Several families ate together at the back of the room while laughing merrily. Rauher took a random seat, and waited until a waiter approached him.

"Yes sir, what would you like?"

"Let's see..." Rauher paused for a moment as he checked the menu, "this please. Oh and that. Don't forget that too. Make it extra."

The waiter looked over the menu with an surprised expression, then disappeared into the kitchen. Almost half an hour later, several cooks carried a large assortment of plates, and set it down on the table.

"Are you sure you can eat all of this by yourself?" asked the waiter with an unsure expression.

"Don't worry about me."

It took Rauher almost a full hour to eat the meal, when he had finished, he laid back lazily in his chair and closed his eyes. He was disturbed when he felt something tug his sleeve. He turned to the right to see a young girl in a plain looking dress. She seemed to be twelve, and her black hair had been tied into braids.

“That sure is a lot of food mister."

"Well, I have quite an appetite."

"You'll put on weight if you keep eating like that."

"You're pretty cheeky for a little girl. What's your name?"

"My name's Rafa."

"Well, I'm Rauher. It's nice to meet you. What are you doing by yourself? Where are your parents."

"Behind the counter, they own this restaurant. Anyway, you're a traveler right? What do you think of this place."

"It's certainly impressive, I don't think I've ever seen a country with walls this big before."

"Right?! People say we're at war, but there hasn't been a single causality in that time. They'll never be able to get inside, nothing can touch this country."

"I don't know about that..."

"Do you think the walls aren't enough?"

"No, I think this might be one of the most heavily fortified countries I've visited. But in my experience, those who are overconfident tend to be the first to fall."

Rafa's name was called from one of kitchens, and she turned to Rauher and quickly bowed.

"I hope we talk again!"

And with that, she disappeared out of sight, leaving Rauher by himself again. By the time he left, it was almost completely dark. He started to walk down the street until he eventually sighted a hotel.

The next day.

Rauher awoke early as usual, and after a light breakfast made his way out of the building. After wondering what to do, he decided on visiting one of the museums he had spotted the other day.

The museum contained several collections of artwork. Most of them were based on the city, and showed countless armies trying to break through the wall.

"Ah, you must be new here. Do you like it?"

The voice came from an elderly curator who began to approach Rauher.

"Yes... It's an interesting piece," he lied.

"You must have been taken aback when you got here. We don't get too many travelers, but they always seem surprised when they see our walls."

"Yes, they're very impressive. But aren't you worried than the enemy might found another way into the country?"

The curator laughed to himself before replying.

"Inconceivable! It's been over fifty years, and they still haven't got past these walls. Why would that change?"

Rauher spent the rest of the day wandering the streets doing nothing of any particular interest. He finally decided to return to his hotel room after his legs became tired. He pondered on the curator's words for a moment as the room became coloured in orange from the setting sun. He eventually came to the conclusion that it didn't matter, and settled down for the night.

The last day, that is, Rauher's third day in the country.

He leisurely ate his breakfast and took his time before leaving the hotel. As he walked down the street, he noticed the same restaurant he had visited before. Rafa sat outside on a bench, and stared at the sky absently. She immediately noticed Rauher when he approached and ran over to him.

"Hey, have you come to get something to eat again?" she asked while smiling innocently.

"Not today I'm afraid. I think I'm still recovering from the last time I ate here... I might leave this country soon though."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a traveler, that's what I do."

Rafa stopped for a moment, then looked back up at the sky.

"Why did you become a traveler?"

"I guess because I wanted to see more of the world. I've seen some very beautiful countries, and some extraordinary places. But most of all, I'd say what interests me more than anything is humans."

"Humans? Are they really that interesting?"

"Yes, they are," he smiled for a moment before continuing, "it's been very nice meeting you."

"Do you think I could become a traveler one day?"

"That's up to you. Do you want to?"

"I-I think I do... Hey, would it be ok if you took me along with you?"

Rauher said nothing at first, then began to speak softly while smiling.

"I'm very sorry. Don't think of me as selfish, but I have enough trouble looking after myself. Traveling is dangerous, I don't want to be responsible for someone else too. If you really want to travel, I won't stop you from going on your own, but you should think about it carefully."

"I will! Thank you very much. Maybe we'll see each other again"

"Maybe..."

Rauher smiled again, then waved goodbye as he headed towards the gate, and out of the country.

Later that day, a large group of people began to approach the town from the opposite side. The leader carried an automatic rifle, and the rest of the men were all carrying weapons of some kind. Without a sound, they crept up to one of the walls. The sand was soft, and the men soon began to dig beneath it with their hands.

"Do you remember the plan?" asked the leader as he looked towards one of the men.

"Yes sir. We'd normally stand no chance against blasting through the wall, it'd be impossible," he paused, then pointed to a piece of the wall which had been discoloured and looked different to the others, "but you see, this place in particular is considerably weaker. They might have never thought about about the problem of rust out here, but it still rains at least a couple of times a year. We've waited fifty years for the rain to begin wearing down this wall, looks like it paid off."

The leader nodded, then took a large mound of plastic explosive from his bag, and placed it on the wall. There was a deafening crash as it exploded, leaving an opening just large enough for several men to fit through.

Not a single person was spared. A large pillar of smoke rose up in the air as the country became engulfed in orange flames. The last building to catch fire was a small restaurant. All that remained were a few scraps from a plain dress, and the burned remains of a letter.

It read:
Dear mom, dad. I've decided to start a journey of my own! Please don't look for me. I want to explore the world; I want to find out what makes humans so interesting. I love y...

The rest was illegible. Clutching onto the scrap of paper was a tiny hand.
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"Whenever people see birds flying through the sky, it's said that they get the urge to go on a journey.".

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Re: Pride

Postby Lord » Sat Jun 07, 2014 4:13 am

Well, that ended quite gorily. Maybe to abrubt.
I liked it, there's a nice display of human emotion. like when Rafa asked Rauher if she could come with him, I really felt him, you can't say yes to her but you don't want to say no.

It was a good read, if maybe too quick to end. 8/10
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Re: Pride

Postby Lord » Sat Jun 07, 2014 4:14 am

Well, that ended quite gorily. Maybe to abrubt.
I liked it, there's a nice display of human emotion. like when Rafa asked Rauher if she could come with him, I really felt him, you can't say yes to her but you don't want to say no.

It was a good read, if maybe too quick to end. 8/10

edit: sorry, double posted by accident.
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Re: Pride

Postby ThePabo » Sat Jun 07, 2014 10:17 am

Awesome continuation to the first part. Now it feels like Greed settles you in with only one violent part to send its message, while this had its underlying theme throughout. It's like when the sequel is "actually better" than the original lol. Good read!
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