by plasticapple » Thu Jun 18, 2015 3:41 pm
Story #3: The Day Robert The Tree Found Love
Robert was just a normal oak, living in the woods among the other oaks. These trees didn't talk to each other much, for none of them had mouths. So Robert would have to find entertainment in the simple things like the blue sky, the green grass, and the squirrels.
One day, however, Robert woke from his mid-afternoon nap to come face to face with the ground. People with axes had cut Robert down and took him in their truck to be turned into paper; delicious paper that was flavored and put out on the market as "edible paper", even though anybody can eat paper. Robert was given the unholy flavor of blue raspberry and sent off to a candy store in Pennsylvania.
Customers came and went, but nobody would buy the paper. It turns out, the people who came up with the idea were dealing marijuana, so they were arrested. Once that came out in the papers, the market for edible paper went down significantly.
Two weeks later, the candy store owner went bankrupt, and was forced to give all of his candy away for free to the joy of little children. Robert sat there for the next 90 minutes praying for someone, anyone, to come and eat him. Then, his prayer came true.
His name was Johnny. He was 6 years old, but didn't know how to talk. He didn't know how to read either, because he was blind. Because of these disabilities, Johnny decided to take a random piece of candy for the taking. Little did he know that he was picking up and eating Robert. Robert died happily while being digested by Johnny.
Four days later, Johnny died of food poisoning in an unrelated incident involving a fast food restaurant whose logo is a golden arch.
Fin