"Writings of Boredom"

[plasticapple]

I write random little short stories whenever I'm bored, and since I've got nothing else better to do with them, I guess I'll post them here every once in a while. Enjoy, and see if you can find the deeper meaning in these stories.
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Story #1: Bagel Day

Johnny was walking through the streets of Ugoslavia one day when he realized that everybody was dressed like a ninja. Curious, he entered his favorite Bakery, El Food, to ask the owner if he had any idea of what was going on, only to find that everybody in the bakery were dressed like bagels. “Of course!” said Johnny. “It’s Bagel Day today, how could I have forgotten? This still doesn’t explain the ninjas, though.” Johnny stopped talking when he realized that people were staring at him; talking to oneself was a rare occurrence in Ugoslavia. Embarrassed, he went into the bathroom and cried for about ten minutes, but it can’t be certain because clocks are considered a work of Satan in Ugoslavia. When Johnny left the bathroom, he realized that everybody in the bakery had turned into a bagel, and that the ninja people were eating the bagels, for free bagels are a delicacy anywhere.

[Daniël]

I usually don't discourage people from being creative, but for you I'd gladly make an exception.

[Awesomator]

My 19th cousin is Ugoslavian and I find this very offensive to my culture.

[lordkazari]

well done friend

[Jon]

This is horrible. Try again with a more fluid and complete story / plot.

[Alca]

This is horrible. Try again with a more fluid and complete story / plot.

I'm pretty sure he's trolling. It'd be impossible for anyone to make something this bad without doing it on purpose.

[Grams]

man this is so random XD make more pls

[plasticapple]

Story #2: Turtles are Great

Dave didn't think much of his life. He lived in an apartment that he could barely afford, worked a minimum wage job at the grocery store, and had no friends.

Dave was lonely.

But one day, Dave was doing some spring cleaning when he heard a noise coming from behind his mattress. He checked to see what it was, and was surprised to see a turtle gnawing on some food that Dave had spilled. Dave instantly fell in love with this turtle.

"I'm going to name you Dave Jr.", he said.

And so, for the next four years, Dave and Dave Jr. were inseparable. Eventually, bit by bit, Dave got his life together. He became the manager at the grocery store, got a better apartment, and even started looking for a girlfriend.

Things were great.

Until one day, Dave was walking on the sidewalk with Dave Jr. when he realized something that disturbed him so greatly that he dropped Dave Jr.

At that moment, Dave realized that the Illumanati were after him, and so to prevent himself from getting caught, he moved to the Maldives and changed his name to Robert Smith III, and lived that way until he died at the age of 64 when he tripped on a piece of soap in the shower and hit his head.

Moral: Eat Your Vegetables

END

[Franklin]

This reminds me of third grade, when we had to do writing prompts just after recess and I didn't have any energy to put effort into them so I just wrote about killer jelly beans.

[lordkazari]

Impressive. How do you write so creatively?

[Grams]

yeah i was being ironic you can stop writing

[lordkazari]

yeah i was being ironic you can stop writing

I was not

[plasticapple]

Story #3: The Day Robert The Tree Found Love

Robert was just a normal oak, living in the woods among the other oaks. These trees didn't talk to each other much, for none of them had mouths. So Robert would have to find entertainment in the simple things like the blue sky, the green grass, and the squirrels.

One day, however, Robert woke from his mid-afternoon nap to come face to face with the ground. People with axes had cut Robert down and took him in their truck to be turned into paper; delicious paper that was flavored and put out on the market as "edible paper", even though anybody can eat paper. Robert was given the unholy flavor of blue raspberry and sent off to a candy store in Pennsylvania.

Customers came and went, but nobody would buy the paper. It turns out, the people who came up with the idea were dealing marijuana, so they were arrested. Once that came out in the papers, the market for edible paper went down significantly.

Two weeks later, the candy store owner went bankrupt, and was forced to give all of his candy away for free to the joy of little children. Robert sat there for the next 90 minutes praying for someone, anyone, to come and eat him. Then, his prayer came true.

His name was Johnny. He was 6 years old, but didn't know how to talk. He didn't know how to read either, because he was blind. Because of these disabilities, Johnny decided to take a random piece of candy for the taking. Little did he know that he was picking up and eating Robert. Robert died happily while being digested by Johnny.

Four days later, Johnny died of food poisoning in an unrelated incident involving a fast food restaurant whose logo is a golden arch.

Fin

[Franklin]

wtf is going on even

[Llama]

Fin

This was my favorite part.